No Tears in Heaven
by Thosewhocan'twrite-comment
Summary: It is 2 years after New Moon, and the Volturi have come far sooner than expected to check up on Bella, but Edward's plan fails and in the final confrontation Bella dies. She is now trapped and alone, in Heaven watching Edward live his life without her...
1. Death obsessed

No Tears in Heaven

I used to think that, with time, all memories fade, and begin to blur as each detail becomes harder to remember and each face less sharp than the before. I was wrong, there are some memories that a person can simply never forget and instead of fading like fabric put one times too many through the wash, my recollections become sharper and distinct each time I hug them to myself; a comfort, stress, and aggravation. They say that hind sight is 20:20, well I would say that They are right. Now that that it has past I can fully view, analyze, and make judgment on my own death.

I used to obsess over it, well not the dying itself, but the events leading up to and culminating in my demise. I suppose it was an accident, not that I would ever know how it had been written in the books, as my ability to view the world I never meant to leave is nonexistent.

In this way my life began to follow a vicious cycle. I would wake (not that I honestly have any sense of space and time in heaven), only to glance around anxiously, thinking that for sure today would be the day. I would open my eyes and he would be there. Edward. My angel. Instead I woke to find my bed occupied by only disappointment; and even my depths of loneliness could not fill the void he had left. Instead I would spend my time idly, wrapped in memory, seeing what was not truly there, if there was some hint I had missed that would explain his disappearance.

But the past satisfies nothing, and only leaving me colder in the warmth of heaven than ever before. At first I did not understand; he had promised, and I thought that meant that when I died he would follow me so that we could truly spend eternity together. All lovers lie, and after waiting for what seemed like forever, I realized that he was never coming, because promises easy to make, and lies are easy to swallow.


	2. Heaven and Hell

Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to the characters in the story, they are Stephanie Meyer's children, and I make no attempt to hijack them.

No Tears in Heaven

Chapter 2: Heaven and Hell

When Edward made no appearance in my Heaven, at first I waited, then I worried, and finally, I decided to take action. For all I knew he was here, simply lost, and it was up to me to find him. So for the first time since my arrival I left the only room I had ever know to brave the outside world. I have to admit, though I had never really put too much thought into the matter, Heaven was not as I had imagined it would be. The "world" outside me was bright, so much so that it almost burned my eyes until they adjusted to the light. Everything about it was bizarre, so far from reality, and yet so familiar. It was some twisted form of Forks and as I continued to search, I had a sinking suspicion that I had landed not in Heaven, but in Hell.

It was as though this place had been specially made to torture me. First I wandered from my own home, only to go outside and see Edward's car next to mine in the driveway. I ran to it only to find it completely empty, the keys in the ignition. I jumped in only to find that it was just as I remembered it, down to the very last CD in the glove compartment and his sent still lingered in the driver's seat. I revved the engine and bit back tears.

As I traveled down the highway I could no longer suppress the memories and my eyes glazed over, and my body became separated from my mind. While my arms and legs continued to drive, I saw him in my mind's eye. He was next to me as we traveled down the highway and I could still hear him voice.

_"Charlie said it would be warm today."_

_"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" he asked._

_"Nope."_

_"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" He seemed cheered by the idea._

_"No, I told her you canceled on me-which is true."_

_"No one knows you're with me?" Angrily, now._

_"That depends…I assume you told Alice?"_

_"That's very helpful, Bella," he snapped._

_I pretended I didn't hear that._

I pulled the car over and let myself sob. I wanted to reach out for him… wanted so badly to look at the seat next to me and see him there concern for my weak human emotions etched on his face. So I glanced up, only to see the space next to me achingly vacant. Before I could begin a fresh sob my eyes looked out the window, only to be shocked into silence. It was the same as when Edward had taken me here, my feet would not listen to me as they got out of the car and began to climb the hill. I reached the clearing in record time, only to be met with a fresh wave of disappointment. Though the clearing was as breathtaking it was empty of its most important resident, Edward.

I continued the day like this, my body taking me unbidden to every place we had been together. One minute I was at our Italian restaurant in Port Angles, the next I was at the ballet studio in Phoenix. I could see him standing over my near lifeless form, making to decision to save my humanity. My vision started to blur once more this time not with tears but with images. The world spun as our lives together surrounded me, each place clamoring to gain my attention, one moment I would be in Italy, the next I would be on my couch watching Romeo and Juliet, only to be replaced with the image of Edward slowly walking away from me in the woods. And suddenly the world went still.

I was there. I was standing in the hallway outside our hotel room, where we had made our final stand against the Volturi and where I had met my end.

_"You were given a choice Edward, and today is the day of reckoning. Change her now or we will." Aro said with a wide grin that struck terror into my heart._

_It was then that I knew my wishes were finally being fulfilled, I was about to become a vampire. I glanced at Edward, my anticipation growing. He would not meet my eyes however, and stepped in front of me his stance defensive._

"_Sorry Aro, no deal. Bella stays human." His features told me that there would be no changing his mind this time and I made a choking noise. They ignored me as Aro turned and gave a small nod to Felix, who started toward us. _

"_Then I too, am sorry Edward." At his words Felix jumped at us and I screamed. Felix pulled back one of his massive fists and it met with Edwards face before I could voice my objections. Edward stumbled backwards as I heard a sickening crunch that I was sure was his nose. I moved forward to catch him, only to be met with the force of Edward's body as Felix's next punch pushed him further. I felt myself flying backwards threw the air until I connected with a window, breaking through to begin my descent to the pavement awaiting me below. As I fell through the air a slight smile crossed my lips as I remembered when Edward had told everyone that I had fallen out a window after my encounter with James. Then I hit the pavement, and died on impact._

But the scene refused to change and suddenly I was back in the hallway watching Edward hit the wall slightly below my point of impact. His eyes closed for an instant, and then snapped open as realization dawned on him. Felix and Aro stood behind him temporarily frozen as he was up in a flash, and then down by my side. As I rushed from the hallway Aro and Felix prepared to leave, completely ignorant of my existence.

"What a waste…," Aro shook his head in disappointment, as Felix looked glum "I think it is time for us to leave." And with that the pair sped away.

I paid them no mind and ran for the elevators. When they didn't appear quickly enough I made for the stairs running down the 7 flights of stairs faster than I would have thought was possible. As I ran outside I was shocked with the sight that met my eyes. Edward was still there, but more alarming still was the fact that I was lying lifeless in his arms.


	3. Bloody Hands

Disclaimer: _Paper: $5 a ream_

_ Ink: $50 a cartridge_

_ Not plagiarizing: _**Priceless**

No Tears in Heaven

Chapter 3: Bloody Hands

I had never seen Edward for what he truly was, a monster. But as his primal

instincts took over it was all to clear that the man had finally been overtaken by the beast.

I could see my own body being pulled mercilessly into what was sure to have been a

bone-crushing embrace, as I resisted the impulse to twinge at the none existent pain,

Edward's perfect mouth let out a sound the likes of which no human ear has heard. The

noise was almost impossible to distinguish, be it a grunt, growl, sob, or yell. But I knew

that sound, it was the sound my heart had made for those eons I waited for him, the noise

of true desperation that still tugged at my heart strings.

I had but one last glimpse of him, only time enough to see what I am sure was one

small, perfect tear, rolling down his marble cheek. And before I could even approach my

love, he was gone, having run off after Aro far faster than I could ever hope to follow.

But I ran. I ran as hard and fast as I could, in a vain attempt to follow him. I fell to the

ground, pounding my fist on the unfeeling cement. However, to my shock and dismay,

when I finally managed to open my flooded eyes, my hands had the vague appearance of

having been through the shredder. My heartbreak momentarily postponed, I banged my

already bloody hands on the pavement only to be taken aback by the sudden pain that

coursed through my veins. I could _feel_.

As quickly as my high had come, it was gone. Alright, I could hurt myself, great,

but what good was that really? I couldn't be heard or seen, and maybe I could feel, but

who was to say that I could be felt in return? Edward would have heard my ragged

breathing, seen me, or felt me beside him, so great was our connection that I was sure of

it. I had to find someone, anyone, who could communicate with me. But being in the

middle of nowhere, though Edward had contested many times that the most densely

populated city in Greenland was in deed somewhere, how on God's (assuming that this

intolerable being, with what appeared to be the world's worst sense of humor, existed)

was I going to find someone who would recognize me?

I continued to beat the ground in frustration, wishing with all my heart that I

would open my eyes to find myself back in Forks and my death had merely been an

unfortunate nightmare. I widened my eyes, only to find myself not in my own bed, but

instead next to a sign that read: _Welcome to Forks: the rainiest city with the happiest _

_attitude!_, but after having taken a second to scowl at the raindrop smiling down at me

from the wooden plaque, I truly realized the magnitude of what had just happened. I had

gotten to Forks on my own, and not even the "hey look mommy I can dress myself now"

way, but without even the help of a plane or boat to travel the miles. The question was,

_how?_ Had I run here? Had I somehow now become a Vampire? Was I a tracker like

Felix? My brain became a buzz of activity, each passing thought less plausible than the

one before it ( had Edward stopped me from dying? Was he God….because that would

make sense, Edward's jokes could be pretty bad sometimes…? Was _I_ God?), my brain

began to slowly slow to a grinding halt. The only way I could explain new skill was that

it wasn't real. But it had to be real. This had to be my second chance, to set things right,

to give us that happily ever after that fairy tales had promised me. But first I had to make

contact.


	4. The Angel and Gabriel

I knew that I now had the inexplicable ability to be any place I wanted, so I squeezed my eyes shut once more and willed myself to the one place I wanted to be more than anywhere else—Edward's house. I pictured his spacious home, with its large white rooms that had always felt so welcoming to me, purposefully imagining myself on the paved road in front of his house, and when I inched my eyes open, I was there. But everything was wrong. All of the lights were off and his massive house felt intimidating as I walked up the path, I hesitated before deciding not to ring the doorbell, but let myself in instead, swinging his oak door open wide as I stifled a gasp. Rather than the warmth, belonging and acceptance that I had always associated with Edward's living room, it now held nothing for me but despair. The walls been stripped bare, and now those white walls were overwhelming and sterile, and my breath became more ragged as the walls began to close in on me as the heart of Edward's home began to bear an uncanny resemblance to a hospital room. I flew through the rest of the house, running so impossibly fast that I must have been channeling Him, my heart continuing to sink lower in my chest, until I'm quite sure that I stomach acid must have begun to start dissolving it. Every room was empty, and I collapsed in Edward's room when a thought occurred to me that kept my panic attack at bay—what if this wasn't really Forks? What if this was all in my imagination? It was actually far more plausible than the presumptions that I had previously been operating under. The thought that, in reality at least, Edward still lived here was a comforting thought to me. This new train of thought slowed my heart rate considerably and I allowed myself to wonder about my own home, would it be as desolate as Edward's?

Once again succumbing to curiosity that I had caused more of my problems than I could ever count, I shut my eyes once more, and more sure of my newfound powers this time, envisioned Charlie's. My journey was a success, one which I was unfortunately so overjoyed with that the temporary euphoria overwhelmed my common sense and I thought it would be a good idea to start walking before I had opened my eyes all the way…and promptly running right into the peeling gray paint of my front door. I hit the entrance with a dull thud, and by some miracle found my hands bracing me on either side of the doorposts before I could fall down and give myself a concussion. Shaking the fog of confusion from my mind and trying to avoid the veil of panicked dew that was sure set in, I busied myself with retrieving the spare key from underneath the muddy not-so-welcome mat. I carefully fit the key into the lock, only to feel foolish when my house proved to be unguarded. My sheepish grin was replaced by confusion and alarm when I crossed the threshold and saw that someone was waiting for me. And not one of the someones I had hoped would be.

A young man of scrawny build and medium stature stood before me, his position relaxed, as though we stood in his front hall instead of mine. His stern countenance lifted as he gave me a wide smile and overly familiar greeting; "Why, hello."

I started at him in befuddlement, waiting for an explanation. When the pregnant pause continued, I began to scrutinize his slightly pockmarked face. Strong jaw line, round wide-set dull brown eyes placed under arched brows. Wow, were his eyebrows arched…..and his forehead was wrinkled….something was off. I panned out again and realized my mistake. He no longer looked relaxed, or pleased, he looked expectant. He was expecting something from me….an explanation. I mirrored his creased brow as my confusion mounted, my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth. I guess he decided that we had stood there in silence long enough because he tried to prompt me again.

"I'm Gabriel…." He let his words trail off, a clear opening for me to pry my tongue from the roof of my dry mouth and speak.

And speak I did, though rather stupidly, "Gabriel…." I tested the foreign name in my mouth, not sure if I liked the taste.

He let out a half laugh in a valiant attempt to relieve the mounting tension. "I'm Catholic."

As though that explained anything! Oh wait, maybe it did. Gabriel was an angel. Aha! A light bulb went off as I finally began to resume brain function. "OH! Gabriel! Of course, I'm so sorry. I had been wondering when someone was coming to get me. This is purgatory right? So you're here to collect me and transport me to….the greater beyond? Great, let's get out of here; this place was really starting to give me the creeps. I mean, not _this_ place specifically, because I lived here, but this place generally."

He responded to my incoherent ramblings with additional skepticism; "Right, well, not really. You see…."

Realizing what he wanted, I supplied my name quickly.

"You see Bella; I'm not exactly _that_ Gabriel. I'm here because you are-as you seem to have guessed- dead. More specifically, you were murdered."

I stared stupidly, replaying my death for the umpteenth time in my mind's eye, trying to see a murder in me, once again, being a klutz. If I hadn't been so confused, I probably would have felt bad for him, as his patience wore thin with my stupor.

He continued with a sigh, "Look, maybe you don't remember. You were at a hotel and you got pushed out a window." He held up a calloused hand to silence me before I could give my objections. "Now it doesn't usually work like this, even for murder victims, but as a special case you've been brought back."

As my brain suddenly started working in high gear, I began to put the pieces together. My untimely death-my love that always seemed other-worldly-karma. I had been good enough in my past life, so I was getting a second chance! I was beginning to regret previously questioning God's sense of humor….then I remembered Gabriel was still in the room. As my eyes brimmed with happiness I managed to choke out the words. "I'm being reunited with Edward?!?"

He seemed relieved that I was finally understanding as he immediately exclaimed, "Yes!" Then pursing his lips in consideration as he continued, "'Reunited'? I suppose…but that is an odd way of putting it. No matter, knowing his name makes this whole matter much easier, trust me I know from experience, let me get you some equipment." He said this in what I'm sure he thought was a reassuring voice as he had noticed my tears.

This whole matter was starting to get irritating, as I was very tired of being confused. "Equipment…?"

"Oh. You do know what Edward _is_, don't you?" He looked rather put out.

"….Yes. Edward is a Vampire." As if I didn't know everything about my Angel. As if I hadn't studied his sparkling skin shining in the sun for hours on end. As if I didn't understand what was keeping us from being together.

"Well good then. As you've also probably discovered, you posses certain abilities now. But those won't be enough, so you need certain equipment I've handpicked for this kind of thing."

This was ridiculous, didn't anything make sense anymore? "Right, well I still don't see why I would need abilities or equipment, care to explain?"

Startled by my suddenly snappish behavior, he did explain, as though it were the more sensible thing in the world, "Why, to kill him of course!"


End file.
